Well a lot has happened since then. Sort of. I got my final job offer in NYC and moved in with two random roommates who happen to be completely awesome and fun. I threw out my scale and decided to measure progress by how my clothes fit.
I said I wanted to lose weight in July-- I have no idea of the actual amount I've lost, but my work pants are almost two sizes too big now. YAY. I'm walking a very thin tightrope right now though, and it worries me a little. I'm not trying to restrict unreasonably, but I am staying around 700-900 calories on weekdays and eating minimally on weekends. It's not so little that I can't eat things, but it still takes some planning to stay under budget. I'm just scared I'm going to get obsessive again. And then fall back into the binge cycle. Being around skinny people all the time does help.
Oy, I have a headache.
And the ex situation... well, it was going well for a while, he even wanted to come visit me. He came to NYC for Electric Zoo; we were supposed to meet for dinner and then go out for drinks while his friends went to the second night of the concert. And then less than an hour beforehand, he called and told me he was going to the concert. He wanted to reschedule for tomorrow. I had just bought a new outfit especially for dinner (I know, I know, whatever), was about to jump in the shower, was still in love with him but trying to decide if we were a good enough of a match to get back together. And then he flaked out. And got mad at me for being upset about it.
PEACE. OUT. So he made my decision for me, and that's that. He called to apologize two weeks after, and sounded so depressed and sad I couldn't even be mad. But I was not about to take him back. More than anything, he needs to figure himself out and become less of a head case before he dates anyone again (I know, clearly I'm not one to talk about head cases).
He was the first person I ever told flat-out that I struggled with an eating disorder. I didn't even know how powerful talking was until that moment, and I have him to thank for that. And now that a month has gone by, I do miss him, I just... I don't think we're meant to be together. I need a little more Tender Loving Care in my relationships, and I think he secretly still wants to
But, I am skinnier. And therefor happier. But I wish this headache would go away.
