So today's plan is to eat as little as possible... efff last weekend. I'm going out for most of the day to get stuff ready for Florence, getting my computer checked and going to the bank and stuff. When I get home I'll do another 4-mile run while my mom's cooking dinner, and then maybe I'll be too tired and fall asleep early. One can only hope.

I'm scared to weigh myself after the disgusting binge that was yesterday/last weekend. Ugh. I hate setting myself back :(

Blegh, sort of. I visited college over the weekend to see people and deal with my Judicial Affairs meeting (hospital visit... heh... whoopsie), and I KNEW it would be hard to keep up my habits when it was just my mom and I. Sooo I resigned myself to three "normal" eating days, which turned into one day that was still under 600 (WOO!), a normal sub-1500 day, and a huge fucking binge day. bksuhtglshghlrt ughhh, the last day would have been fine but instead of going to bed, I had a massive binge.

Today started off well, and then I started eating some granola, which turned into a binge-- but I said today would be my fresh start off the weekend, so I purged most of it back up, and then went on a four-mile run. Oh yeah, something I forgot to mention about this summer... I've gotten LOTS better at throwing up. Yeah, I know. I still don't do it very often so no worries, it's really fucking disgusting, and I know that I never get EVERYTHING up. But mostly, it's because making yourself puke is just nasty. Puke is fucking gross.

So today didn't go quite how I had planned, but at least I did some form of damage control. Ugh... enough to keep from from binging for quite a while. Nothing quite like the feeling of your chewed up meal splashing back at you from the toilet.

I am so excited today!!! Want to know why? I'm a half pound away from my LW last fall :) And hopefully tomorrow I can breeze by that and keep going until I am thin and beautiful. Time to pull up the old chart I used a while back...

• 150: DISGUSTINGLY GROSS (seen this)
• 145: fatass (seen this)
• 140: chubbers (seen this)
• 135: baby fat (just passed this!!)
• 130: is she skinny or boring old average? Average.
• 125: athletic thin
• 120: thin and sexy
• 115-110: runway model
• 110 and below: sack of bones. I'm writing this now in case I ever get close and am tempted... DO NOT go here :[

But yeah, yayyy for me! I even had a piece of toast and bite of ice cream before I went to bed last night. I'm going for a run in like an hour. Peace!

Ughhhh sidenote, I feel like I'm going to puke. Taking a multivitamin on an empty stomach= vommm, I finished the rest of my apple from yesterday but apparently that doesn't cut it :(

Not sure how I feel right now... I haven't eaten that much today, so I should be elated, right? I think I got "over-thinspired" last night haha, because even though I'm at a low calorie count (2/3 apple, four dark chocolate M&M's, a quarter salmon burger with most of the [FATTTY] bun picked off, and carrots/broccoli) I feel like poop.

Last night to distract myself, I was on this website called skinnygossip.com for like three hours just reading through stuff-- the webmistress is pretty harsh (Victoria's Secret models are a little too big for her O_O) but apparently it did the trick, check it out if you want but consider my previous statement fair warning. BUT. I am no longer even craving a cookie, even chocolate, even ANYTHING. And I'm on my freaking period, I normally want to inhale half the cupboard haha. The only thing I see in a cookie is a higher calorie number... not even the taste interests me.

I have never been this disinterested in food.

YAY for skinny!

Today I've been soooo good :]

Had half an apple after my coffee. Went for a jog, drank lots of water, made 2L of green tea for later, and ate a few more bites of an apple before deciding I wasn't hungry. I also had a forkful of pulled pork when I was making my siblings lunch, but I think it'll be okay since I've been good all day.

For dinner, my mom's grilling a steak; no idea what she's making for the carb, but I'll avoid that like usual. And for the veggie... cucumbers in vinegar!!! This is something I would actually make myself, nomnomnom and it is so freaking low-cal I want to hop around my kitchen. I'm glad my mom enjoys healthy cooking :D

and sigh... I knew it was coming, but he's only been there three days for goodness sake! Girl#1 has already friend-requested and written on my bf's wall. And she has an arm the size of a twig in her profile picture. (yes, I am aware that my facebook habits are unhealthy... bite me.) But, being with other people was part of our agreement, and he had to deal with the same thing when I was a freshman, so I simply have to sit here and take it.

And by take it, I mean envision Slut#1's sticky little arm every time I think I'm too tired to run any further :p

Helloooo, I'm back!! I lived at the beach all summer, sans internet connection, and a whole bunch of things happened to update on.

One, I lost 15lb. :] not as much as I wanted, but yay nonetheless! hopefully I can lose another ten by the time I leave for florence, about 12 days. Then I will be five away from my goal weight.

Two, boyfriend and I are good... like really, really good. Living with him was so nice, falling asleep together and cooking and hanging out and just seeing him all the time. I also realized that we complement each other very well-- I think he brings out a lot of good things in me. And the same with him. I am so in love haha.

Three, I saved money for Europe, yayayayayYAYAYAY!!!! I cannot. freaking. wait. To study abroad. It's like living in a painting :)

So that was the summer, summed up in a few sentences. Whatever, on to today. (I don't feel like writing a lot right now, maybe later). Today, I went for a quick run, and then went for a two-hour hike with my friend from high school. All I've eaten so far has been an apple (45 cal), some beets (10? cal) and two small bites of pulled pork from last night (45-55 cal, eughhh). Pretty good so far, I think we're having chicken legs and something else for dinner tonight. For dinner I've just been eating smaller portions, no one's noticed or been on my butt about it so far, excellent.

I want to be the skinny american when I go abroad... and I also want my boyfriend to remember me while the freshman hoes throw themselves at him this semester. Yeah haha.