July 20th

Down to 136 pounds! And going :) I've been back on track recently, running in the morning and controlling myself in the evening. I think my problem was that once I had one thing not go according to plan, I just gave up and ate whatever I felt like. Yesterday I had to eat dinner with the family, but instead of giving up on my calorie count I just kept my portions small and refused to eat anything else. So yeah. I just need better self-control.

Going running with the boyfriend in a bit, I ran earlier too since he can't go very far due to knee problems. And I'm house-sitting for my cousin and her hubby, who own a TREADMILL-- that means I can work out when I come home from work too :) Spending the night, maybe I'll do  some naked laps in the pool too. I love being naked. A little unnecessary fun fact about me lol.

Day 1

First day without the parents. Today's plan goes like this:

at least 500 sit-ups (sets of 100)

20 min. jump rope

5-mile run

breakfast: omlette-- 2 eggwhites, spinach, red pepper (actually DELICIOUS) - 35 cal

lunch/dinner: salad-- baby spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, balsamic vinagrette - 55 cal

snacks: green tea, water, apple slices

weight: 140 lb.

goal: 130 lb (7 days)

We'll see how this goes! Hopefully the weight will come off, I'm sick of being fat.

ugghhhh

I feel like such a disgusting lard. Yesterday I worked out for four hours. FOUR FUCKING HOURS. I felt great. All I ate before that was a peach. And then, because I'm just an overacheiver, I asked my boyfriend to go on a bike ride, and then after we were in my kitchen and he was starving and I had stupidly mentioned to him that I had worked out hardcore earlier, and he was like, you must be dying and shoved food in my face and I was terrified not to eat it. Him finding out my eating habits would be the absolute worst. I'm so afraid to do anything to lose him. So I ate it all. After that it was just one huge motherfucking bingefest. UGH.

Today's our 22-month anniversary, so we're going out to eat... I'm so afraid. I feel like such shit from yesterday. All that hard work was completely wasted. I gained two pounds. And tonight I just want to be with him and be happy :(

My parents leave for a week tomorrow. This is when I'm kicking it into high gear. there will be 200 calories max the first day. I'm going back to The Plan after three days of being off. It worked beautifully the first time and I am a fucking idiot for not staying with it.

lateeee

Past few days have been...interesting. I've eaten waayyyy more junk than I should have-- the day of the ATL concert (two days ago?) I only had 90 cals all day but then after we went to a diner, and I got this wrap that said it was grilled chicken and red peppers, so I was like okay pretty healthy... EUGH! When it came there was cheese in it, and though I looove cheese even I was disgusted by it, the bottom of the wrap was soggy from idk what, uggghhhh and I was so crapped out from the concert that I binged and ate the whole fucking thing.

But I weighed myself today and I'm still 140! I've been able to stay there for three days now!! Tomorrow's Warped Tour so no post, buuuut it's also an excuse not to eat all day-- food there is so expensive I'll just say I ate a big brekkie to save money :) and all the moshing will surely burn a few calories.

Till more pounds come off!

T.M.I. warning ;)... but.....

I've heard tell that eating this little reduces sex drive, desire, etc. I can now most confidently tell you that these. are. LIES. I am so horny right now hahaha. I was at my boyfriend's uncle's house with him earlier and all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off. With my teeth. 

:)

Weighed myself this morning, 140 lb! I dropped around five effing pounds!!!! Granted, that's my morning weight so we'll see what it is later, but it's a little self-esteem boost and encouragement to keep up with The Plan nonetheless. Haha.... this morning I was eating my Cheerios following coversation ensues:

Dad: What no milk?

Me: Meh. (shrugs)

Dad: They taste like nothing when they're plain!

Me: They taste like oatmeal!

Dad: You're not putting yourself on a diet are you? It's good you've been working out btw.

Me: (oh god forbid!) Baha no. I'm just trying not to eat as much chips and bad crap.

Dad: Oh well that's good, I should do that too! 

Silly Daddy :) I love him heehee. My mom would be much harder to fool. I'm beginning to wonder if she ever struggled with stuff like this-- I do know that after her freshman year of college, like me, she went from being 135 lb to 115 over the summer. Hmm. Either way, she's the one I have to be careful around.

Anyway. today's scedule (today's my under-300 day):

• breakfast - cheerios (50 cal)
• lunch - tuna (60 cal)
• snack - 1/2 apple (22.5 cal)
• dinner - crabs with the boyfriend. If I stick to the rest of The Plan, I can eat up to 5 crabs (100 cal).

Perfect

That girl with long honey-brown hair that falls over her thin shoulders. Big blue eyes in a trim face, cute little freckles. Slim all over, thin arms, long beautiful legs, a big butt for the rest of her frame, cute. A body that looks killer in everything. So light her boyfriend can pick her up and carry her away even when she demands that he puts her down. So thin that he calls her his tiny little woman as he wraps his hands around her waist.

This will be me. She's inside me, within me, but all this fat is suffocating her. I'm like a sculpture that isn't finished. This beautiful David has to be set free.

Ramblings on a sleep-deprived mind. Goodnight.

okay. f you body.

Nothing is working. It's time for drastic measures. I joined a weight loss competition over on PrettyThin, and so far my fat ass is in last place (BMI-wise). Maybe my competitive streak will kick my butt into gear. Now I'm limiting to 200, 300, 400, and then back to 200 cals for two weeks, I'm exercising every day. This disgusting fat will come off! 

For today:

• cheerios (50 cals worth)
• soup (80 cals)
• carrots or an apple (35 or 45 cals)

That's IT. I just finished jump-roping for twenty minutes (burned about 200 cal... I love my jump rope). Going for another 4-miler now. Gah. I feel like a big tub of lard.

EDIT: yay! going to bed now... only had 210 cal. Resisted the burgers at my boyfriend's house :) the scale will tell in the morning!

??

so nothing went as planned yesterday, ugh I HATE messing up my schedule. But one, I think I should just mention here that PA bar laws are completely idiotic--- you can be 18 to go into a regular bar/restaurant but you have to be 21 to go into a smoking bar. I'M ALLOWED TO SMOKE WHY CAN'T I JUST GET MY FREAKING DOLLAR CRABS AND LEAVE YOU ASSHOLES. Anyway. So instead of buying crabs, we just went back to my friend's house and drank. I know I know not so good either, but I like being drunk and parties and stuff. And I resisted my munchies pretty well, so boo.

I'm about to go for a run in a few, today goes like this:

• brekkie - 90 cals worth of cereal
• lunch - 1/2 apple (I need to eat them before they go bad :/)
• snack - 1/2 apple
• dinner - my boyfriend wants to take me to California Pizza Kitchen. If he does, I looked up their menu and the lowest cal things are pesto chicken pizza.... ugghhh their stuff is sooo fattening :( the catch is that he's going to Hershey Park today so if he gets home after 7 I can just say I already ate but I'll come and eat a little, and then barely touch my food. Good deal.

Ugh god I'm such a fat cow. I need to fix this! Running now.

fucking FINALLY

ugh, I've been on a freaking plateau for like three days, WITH exercise, WITH 300 cal or less a day. Last night my little brother ate this stuffed crust pizza and left like half of it on the counter-- I was like a zombie, before I even realized what I was doing, I sliced off a piece of crust and shoved it in my mouth. s soon as I put it in I could FEEL the fat.... I ran to the bathroom and spit it into the toilet! Never done that before, but it IMMEDIATELY stopped my binge. Interesting.

But anyway. Today is a new day! 143 lb this morning, and I'm going for a 4 mile run and a two mile run later. wooooooo :) today's schedule:

• breakfast - cereal (90 cal)
• lunch - 1/2 apple (22.5 cal)
• snacks - 1/4 apple (2) (22.5 cal)
• dinner - I think I'm going out for crabs with the bf and friends... fresh crabs aren't too much I don't think, I'll go check. Okay, 1 crab has about 20 cal (18, but I round up). That means 5 crabs max! That's usually what I eat anyway, and that means I only spend five bucks (it's dollar crab night, omfg). (100 cal)

Grand total issss..... 245! and I'll allow myself my chai with skim and sugar if I stick to it :) making total actually 290.

Hellooo

Hiya, so this blog is basically about tracking my weight-loss progress and thinspo and all that good stuff... can't post much right now because I have to go babysit in like 20 mins. Today's schedule kinda looks like this:

breakfast: coffee, green tea, 90 cals -worth of cereal

lunch: 1/2 apple

snack: 1/4 apple,green tea

dinner: 1/4 apple and salad

need to go to bed early tonight, I'm exhausted :/ more later!