boo

So I'm back at school... so far today, I've had: 

3 mugs of green tea

1 cup of gingerbread herbal tea (I looove celestial seasonings flavored teas. an obsession)

carrots/cucumbers

2 hb egg whites

1/2 ice cream sandwich... gave in a little :(

So I'm not really craving food at all... I wasn't even craving the ice cream sandwich, I just started eating it without thinking about it, and I was able to stop eating in the middle and throw it out. I think I just need to think about everything before I eat it. And my entire plate was filled with veggies and my friends didn't say a thing... so they really aren't paying attention :) just another inspirational thing, but earlier I was trying to remember when my boyfriend called me beautiful or sexy when I was home... he didn't. I want to throw up kind of.

Heading to the gym soon! I'm going to get skinny and stop being disgusting. I've heard of people who have lost around ten pounds with 4 days of fasting--- although it's only water weight, I need those lower numbers for inspiration, so tomorrow will begin a semi-fast-- the only thing I'm eating is carrots and tangerines, to keep the metabolism up. So nothing besides that and tea/water until saturday morning. And if I'm feeling good, maybe nothing then either. We'll see.

new start... fingers crossed

Hmm. Maybe all I needed was a change of scene to get my control in order. Now that I'm home for Thanksgiving Break, I'm alone all day, same as college, except I'm basically living in the kitchen-- and the only thing I had yesterday was a cookie my friend baked for me and half a bagel with my boyfriend (stomach was growling, so he wasn't buying that I wasn't hungry). I know, I know, they're the worst foods to get my minimal daily calories from, but the point is that I was able to control myself soooo easily. 

Today I'm going for a healthier restriction... yesterday I didn't eat anything until that cookie around 5 (except for the three cups of green tea and water) but I realize that's not the best for boosting metabolism, so I'm having a half cup of cheerios this morning with my tea, as well as a vitamin (which I stopped taking sometime in September. dumbdumbdumb I know). 

The main factor for this control might also be my boyfriend... he's not technically my bf right now, our situation is so complicated. We decided that we wanted to try to stay together through college, which is 5 years from now, he's 2 yrs younger (cougar rawrrr). But we also decided that we both had to see other people during this period-- one, a six year long-distance relationship just REEKS of problems. And also, we didn't want to resent each other later on for keeping the other from seeing other prospective partners. But anyway, that is the extremely condensed version, which brings me to my point. He's been seeing this girl Monica while I was at school... I've heard all about her, to the extent of, she has bigger boobs but I have the better ass so I win since he's a butt man (my ass, btw, is the ONLY part of me that I don't feel disgusting about. i'm a white girl with a ghetto booty and guys love it, which makes me feel attractive, so therefore I love it). But Monica is this tiny little thing, and I gained some weight back in college... I'm determined that when I come home again for winter break, I will be thin again-- so he doesn't think that my constant state is tub-o-lard and fatter than Monica. Maybe that's where this self-control is coming from.

Wow... long ramble.