I decided to weigh myself... lost four pounds in about four days, not too bad. I still can't stand the number on the scale though, so I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now. I just want to be skinny and I feel like I'm running out of time. Blegh.

Also, last night one of my roommates decided she was going to make pasta for everyone. Now. One box feeds 4-6 people. That allows for more than two servings per person (math from the side of the box, for the four of us). SHE MADE TWO ENTIRE BOXES OF PASTA FOR FOUR PEOPLE! Thank god I had a good excuse to skip... the plate she made for me before I told her I wasn't eating literally had bow ties falling off the side. So did hers, and she ate the entire thing. (before I continue, I'd just like to disclaim: I have eaten that and more during a bad binge. I'm just in a ranting mood and a little touchy from not eating much). I had to leave the room while she was eating because not only did she finish the entire plate, she finished it while chomping, slurping, and smacking her lips the whole time.

It highly annoys me, because then sometimes she goes to me: "I need to eat healthy and lose weight, let's only buy fruits and vegetables this week okay? Want to join me?" OKAY, FIRST POINT. That's all I buy at the store anyway. Second, when she does this, she doesn't include pasta-- all veggies are cooked along with a plate of pasta. She eats 1/4 to 1/2 a pack of spaghetti for lunch, which kind of cancels out the idea of eating healthy by adding some tomatoes and squash! She literally has no clue about serving size-- like she actually thinks that's an okay portion to eat for a meal. Also, her snack of choice when studying, is a jar of nutella. The whole thing is usually consumed in one sitting.

I think it bothers me so much because she eats all that and literally thinks nothing of it, and I've eaten that much (and more) during a binge and feel like a disgusting piece of filth. I think I'm inwardly jealous of her naivete. But sort of not-- I shudder at how much weight I would gain.

Also. I really want to try the pasta. It smells so good, and there's an enormous bowl in the fridge. But I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

Hmm. I don't really know how to feel. I broke my fast yesterday, but it was on about 250 cal of raw fruits and vegetables (with the exception of some cooked spinach) I had an apple, stringbeans, tomato, an orange, and some spinach. Oh also two hardboiled egg whites, and less than half of one yolk. Not feeling too bad about it to be honest, I've worked out almost every day since I started. Today is back to clean fasting though, no little bites of veggie for me :)

I haven't weighed myself since I started Wednesday (or Tuesday? I'm getting so old I can't remember)-- I'm kind of excited to see how much I can lose. I just can't fantasize about losing too much weight or I'll just be disappointed haha. Dude... so the italian gym I'm a member at has this machine that KILLS your butt. It's set up sort of like a stair machine, except instead of going straight up and down, your feet go out to the sides. It sort of mimics the actions of a speed skater-- I can feel it in my butt the whole time and I sweat like crazy (my reference point that I'm working hard), I WANT ONE OF THESE FOR MY HOUSE. Or at least convince my gym at home to get one :p

I don't really have a goal for how long I want to keep this up... maybe til my mom gets here for my birthday, and then another week of it before I get home? that'll be a little under three weeks of almost complete fasting (I have to break it up a little and eat some veggies and protein so I don't pass out-- esp for exam week urgh). How much weight do you think I can lose from that? With working out almost every day I feel like I should at LEAST be back to where I was when I got here... a permissible weight at best, but oh well.

When I get home is going to be tough though. I won't be able to fast, and I'll have to eat whatever my mom cooks. She's very very good about cooking healthy, but like every family, we still have "breakfast for dinner" nights (read: pancakes, sausage, and scrapple. EW), lasagna (thinking about all that cheese is giving me a heart attack), and burgers every once in a while. Last time I tried to skimp on the pancakes, eeeeveryone noticed, and EVERYONE said something. Kind of annoying, but I managed to pass it off as feeling sick, so maybe that'll happen again. And for about four days I can blame my "lack of appetite" on jet lag/different meal times :). Oooh. I like that idea. Possibly an extra day or two of fasting heehee.

Ciao ciao!

On my second day of a fast, no cravings to speak of yet. I paid 90 euro to join a gym for the last month I'm here, so I feel much more obliged to go (can't waste money!). Ugh. I got so fucking fat here hahaha it would be sort of funny if I didn't have to lose weight before my mom visits in a week. Or when I finally go home and have to be naked in front of my boyfriend. Honestly he probably wouldn't notice much, but unless I'm well under current weight the only thing I'll be able to think about is how fat I am. Fat is such a fucking nuisance.

Anyway. Yesterday I had 5 tic-tacs throughout the day, then read on the label as I was going to bed that they're 2 calories each? for those tiny pieces of crap? I could have eaten some spinach or tomato and been healthier for the same amount of calories grrr.

This fast will go until my art show next Thursday at 5:30. Oh boy. Drinking tonight is going to be interesante... ugh and I KNOW my friends will want to go to the late-night bakery or get a kebab (huge wrap filled with greasy mystery meat, sauce, veggies and FRENCH FRIES??). Kebabs gross me out but the fucking bakery always smells so good... if I don't cave today I should be able to resist, I'm pretty good about sticking with it when drunk if I have an unbroken streak :)

Ugh, ho ingrassato moltississississimo. Time to vado alla palestra-- ciao ciao le mie belle.