Yesterday, had half a protein shake (65), a salad (30 cal), two egg whites (35), and a pita with spinach and a bit of hummus (going to be safe and say around 175). Worked out. Then I went out drinking. Weight was lost :)

Today... so far I've had around 280 cal. yuckie. need to go to the gym. I have no time. so much work AHHHH.

Today, two eggs and a salad with greens, tomatoes, half a spoonful of tuna, red pepper, and a mix of balsamic vinegar/habanero sauce. (for the record... HABANERO IS WAY HOTTER THAN REGULAR HOT SAUCE. I knew it was hotter, but not by how much... my mouth is on fire). And I feel great! Oh yeah and I ate one saltine, for carbs :p That is 92 calories.

And I tossed my jar of peanut butter and my trail mix into the overhead cabinet, way into the back where I can't reach it without a chair. So that solves that issue haha. I'm going to the sorority house soon so I plan on taking advantage of all the fresh-brewed coffee, and then I shall go for my nightly run. As long as I keep this up... I can be five pounds away from my goal weight by formal. Not too bad.

total cal: 220

Back again.

So I've realized something about myself. I absolutely adore the feeling of being hungry. Like when your stomach is growling and a little achy, not painful but you can physically tell that it's empty. Getting that feeling makes me feel like I have so much  control, like my body is saying: feed me, and I say FUCK NO. It's like, when I get to that point, I don't even crave anything and it's so easy to turn down food, because the feeling of an empty stomach is so... I don't know, intoxicating. The feeling of that much control is just addictive.

As you could probably guess, I have the feeling right now :) I woke up early to get a class drop form signed; normally I sleep in, but I've decided I love campus early in the morning-- it's bright and sunny out and there's no one around and it's so relaxing!

Today, I'm fasting. Tomorrow, I'm starting my minimalist diet. A hardboiled egg white (protein) for lunch, a spinach salad (fiber/iron/other veggie stuff) with balsamic vinegar for dinner, and two multigrain saltines somewhere in there (carbs. because your brain needs them to function properly). And obviously a shit ton of water to drink.

Oh dear. 

This always happens when I lose track of myself... I end up disappearing because I'm too ashamed of my ridiculous binges. So it's been a month? Ugh. Writing on here makes me guilty, and that should inspire me not to eat!

Well, I'm getting back on track, as it were. I plan on losing around 10-15lb in the next two weeks... yes, it might be mostly water weight, but I just need some confidence before spring break. I want to feel lovely in my bikini.

I'm trying out this diet called the "chemical diet" (don't know why it's called that, who knows). But basically, you have either an egg white, an apple/fruit, a cup of salad, or a bit of tuna for one meal, and for the rest you drink coffee, tea, and shitloads of water. And you excercise for one hour every day. They say you lose thirty pounds in 3 weeks, but I don't know if I'm too late for that or not. Anyhow, that begins tomorrow.

Today, I had two hardboiled egg whites, some cucumber and tomato, and a wrap filled with spinach and a slice of provolone. Ughh. Probably around 300 calories. I need to cut back hardcore for the rest of the week. Pardon-- the rest of the fucking month. I look so gross.

Oh... and I finally stopped talking to the ex. Even though it hurts, it's just better this way. Neither of us have to torture ourselves... actually, he doesn't torture himself about two-timing his girlfriend and I. So correction, I'm not torturing myself over his douchebaggery. But I MUST be skinny by spring break in case I see him. I'm coming back from Florida, so if I do see him, I must be:

Thin. Tan. Blonde. All three of which, his gf is not (well actually she's kinda thin, but I'll be thinner). Not to win him back... I just want him to realize how completely he fucked himself over when he chose her over me. She's a bitch to him, also. (The only time I was a bitch was when he wanted to have sex in the room next to where his parents were sleeping, and I yelled at him hahaha). Seriously, I just want him to die a little when he sees me. And he will not. Fucking. Touch me.

Yay for skinny!!!

Edit: okay, I need to stop lying to myself, because not writing it down doesn't mean it didn't happen. I also ate two bite-size twix bars :(((( but tomorrow, I will NOT! I need some fucking self-control.