And, I just purged.
Fuck, again.
I only make myself puke when I am both drunk and depressed. Which nowadays, whenever I have a drink, I am. I knew I stopped drinking for a reason.
At least I got rid of that taquitos curiosity. Ugh. Never again.
Monday, July 23, 2012
hello fat again
My boyfriend and I broke up. At first, I couldn't eat. A welcome idea that I didn't even appreciate at the time because I was too busy being miserable. Now I'm still miserable, but the original sadness has worn off and now I'm only sad as I'm falling asleep or when I wake up... leaving eating times completely open to all food temptation.
I hate my body. I hate it. I want to be skinny, I want to be beautiful, and I want to be so amazing that no one could ever bear to leave me (obviously, I'm not over the breakup.. I accept, yet refuse to get over it yet). I need to get rid of 15 pounds at the very least. It's not hard to do at all, and I just need to get off my fat fucking ass and do it. I need to run again.
My ex misses me. We broke up because 8 hours apart is just too far for him, and I don't fault him for that, I just... I wish we had run this into the ground and ended up hating each other. It would have been easier to have something concrete to hate and think of whenever I felt sad. Now, I'm pretty sure we're both just depressed and missing each other. For the record, he has called me about twice a week. Every time I tell myself to be strong and not pick up the phone, he calls literally a half hour later. I don't know how he knows/does it/maybe it's just coincidence? but it's happened three times now. I don't know.
He's gained weight. Not a lot, maybe five pounds, but still. I've lost 2 lb since we broke up.
It's sad that this it what I'm measuring our breakup by. I'm heartbroken.
I'm also drunk.
Oops. Wine has calories. Right now I don't give a flying fuck.
I hate my body. I hate it. I want to be skinny, I want to be beautiful, and I want to be so amazing that no one could ever bear to leave me (obviously, I'm not over the breakup.. I accept, yet refuse to get over it yet). I need to get rid of 15 pounds at the very least. It's not hard to do at all, and I just need to get off my fat fucking ass and do it. I need to run again.
My ex misses me. We broke up because 8 hours apart is just too far for him, and I don't fault him for that, I just... I wish we had run this into the ground and ended up hating each other. It would have been easier to have something concrete to hate and think of whenever I felt sad. Now, I'm pretty sure we're both just depressed and missing each other. For the record, he has called me about twice a week. Every time I tell myself to be strong and not pick up the phone, he calls literally a half hour later. I don't know how he knows/does it/maybe it's just coincidence? but it's happened three times now. I don't know.
He's gained weight. Not a lot, maybe five pounds, but still. I've lost 2 lb since we broke up.
It's sad that this it what I'm measuring our breakup by. I'm heartbroken.
I'm also drunk.
Oops. Wine has calories. Right now I don't give a flying fuck.
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