Today so far... a boiled egg white and six carrots, plus 3 cups of green tea and almost a liter of water. Getting there. I joined a weight loss competition on PT, I know I know totally lame, but I recall I got better results during the summer when I was competing with my friend to lose weight. 

And noooowww going to shovel 2ft of snow off my deck!! My dad was kind of confused when I so willingly jumped at the chance haha. What a great workout :) 

I'm going over my ex's later. Kind of nervous. I can tell that I've already started closing off my feelings for him, even though he says we're going to get through this-- it's just my natural defense mechanism from getting more hurt than I already am, I didn't even realize I was doing it. He doesn't quite get the concept that it's all or nothing for me. If we have to force it to work, it's just not fucking working. And I know he's going to get mad, because I won't be able to be normal around him. Not like we used to be, it's just not going to happen.

edit: That was the worst four hours ever. My chest literally hurt from sitting next to him on the sofa. It would have been so easy to snuggle up to him, and I know he wanted me to and was kind of hurt, but I forced myself not to. I just can't do it. I can't risk it, I can't hurt myself, and I feel guilty because it would kill her-- he's already dumped her for me once, and she has no idea he's still seeing me now. I just can't do that to someone, because I would actually die if someone did that to me. And it kills me because I love him, and I just want to be with him.

but on a more positive note, stayed under 500 cal today! My weakness was the cookie dough when we were baking, like always :/ but it's under 500. I used to be able to do under 300, so after tomorrow's fast and the christmas dinner on wed (shudder), I'm trying for under 300 at least four days of the week.