Oh. My. God.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=3ba_1181646232&c=1

I don't even know what to say. That video makes me want to cry and puke and scream all at once. How could someone let their loved one do that to themselves?? How could they let it get that far? It's the same thing with anorexia, but it's okay to put anorexics on lockdown, put them in the hospital against their will and force them to get better. This man needs serious medical help. What he eats in a day was more than all the food we served at Thanksgiving dinner. How can you watch a loved one do that to themselves-- and even worse, COOK it for him? I know they think they have to because he'll just order out; take away his goddamn phone. If his addiction is so bad that frying up a thanksgiving dinner for him is better than what he'd do on his own, his family needs to admit him to a hospital. Gracious, just.... ugh. It's a horrible, terrible eating disorder that's just as bad as a girl who's starved herself to a skeleton! Both people need clinical help. Jesus.

Okay done, just saw that and.... vomit. I'm going on a green tea diet, I've heard that people have lost 8-9 lb in a week from that so let's see how goes it. Just green tea and water. I wish I had a blackberry so every time I felt like eating I could go online and watch that video again... absolutely no appetite.

People can lose 20lb in a month. It would be so easy if I just stick to my goddamn word! I am going to set specific days where I can eat normal food. They are:

1. Christmas dinner at my grandma's. No way I can avoid that one.
2. New Year's Eve if I go with my ex and his fam. If not, then this is not an acceptable food day.
3. Fake Christmas dinner with my fam. Only the dinner, no breakfast crap however good it smells.

And that's it. Those are the days. I will be absolutely binge-free except for then. And on those days, I will choose what foods I want, keep portions itty-bitty, and eat slowly. Only until I am full. And fucking.... my ex is supposed to come over for baking Christmas cookies. I am allowed to eat TWO (he'll be suspicious). NO testing the dough, because it adds up fucking bigtime. If I run before he comes over, and don't eat the rest of the day, it shouldn't do too much damage. Hopefully.