And with that out of the way.... ew. I am absolutely disgusting. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just be skinny and have done with it?? I'm tired of being frustrated with myself. It's exhausting to lose weight and then gain it right back again. I'm sick of being disgusted with my body. It's exhausting and emotionally draining and I want to love my body like I used to. I want to feel sexy without deluding myself. I want to be sexy, not just think it.
And newsflash... my cousin is using me as a model for her fashion show. Because I'm tall and "skinny". PAHAH. Wtf??? Has she seen me recently? I really really want to do it, it was so much fun last year. I love being onstage for some weird reason, even though anywhere else I'm embarrassingly shy. BUT. I am not anywhere near an acceptable weight to wear her beautiful clothes. She does this gorgeous beadwork on everything, and I don't want to look like a bedazzled sausage walking down the runway. I want to do her beautiful clothes justice.
FATASSFATASSFATASSFATTYFATFATFATFAT.
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