Oh dear. 

This always happens when I lose track of myself... I end up disappearing because I'm too ashamed of my ridiculous binges. So it's been a month? Ugh. Writing on here makes me guilty, and that should inspire me not to eat!

Well, I'm getting back on track, as it were. I plan on losing around 10-15lb in the next two weeks... yes, it might be mostly water weight, but I just need some confidence before spring break. I want to feel lovely in my bikini.

I'm trying out this diet called the "chemical diet" (don't know why it's called that, who knows). But basically, you have either an egg white, an apple/fruit, a cup of salad, or a bit of tuna for one meal, and for the rest you drink coffee, tea, and shitloads of water. And you excercise for one hour every day. They say you lose thirty pounds in 3 weeks, but I don't know if I'm too late for that or not. Anyhow, that begins tomorrow.

Today, I had two hardboiled egg whites, some cucumber and tomato, and a wrap filled with spinach and a slice of provolone. Ughh. Probably around 300 calories. I need to cut back hardcore for the rest of the week. Pardon-- the rest of the fucking month. I look so gross.

Oh... and I finally stopped talking to the ex. Even though it hurts, it's just better this way. Neither of us have to torture ourselves... actually, he doesn't torture himself about two-timing his girlfriend and I. So correction, I'm not torturing myself over his douchebaggery. But I MUST be skinny by spring break in case I see him. I'm coming back from Florida, so if I do see him, I must be:

Thin. Tan. Blonde. All three of which, his gf is not (well actually she's kinda thin, but I'll be thinner). Not to win him back... I just want him to realize how completely he fucked himself over when he chose her over me. She's a bitch to him, also. (The only time I was a bitch was when he wanted to have sex in the room next to where his parents were sleeping, and I yelled at him hahaha). Seriously, I just want him to die a little when he sees me. And he will not. Fucking. Touch me.

Yay for skinny!!!

Edit: okay, I need to stop lying to myself, because not writing it down doesn't mean it didn't happen. I also ate two bite-size twix bars :(((( but tomorrow, I will NOT! I need some fucking self-control.