ugghhhh

I feel like such a disgusting lard. Yesterday I worked out for four hours. FOUR FUCKING HOURS. I felt great. All I ate before that was a peach. And then, because I'm just an overacheiver, I asked my boyfriend to go on a bike ride, and then after we were in my kitchen and he was starving and I had stupidly mentioned to him that I had worked out hardcore earlier, and he was like, you must be dying and shoved food in my face and I was terrified not to eat it. Him finding out my eating habits would be the absolute worst. I'm so afraid to do anything to lose him. So I ate it all. After that it was just one huge motherfucking bingefest. UGH.

Today's our 22-month anniversary, so we're going out to eat... I'm so afraid. I feel like such shit from yesterday. All that hard work was completely wasted. I gained two pounds. And tonight I just want to be with him and be happy :(

My parents leave for a week tomorrow. This is when I'm kicking it into high gear. there will be 200 calories max the first day. I'm going back to The Plan after three days of being off. It worked beautifully the first time and I am a fucking idiot for not staying with it.