143 (?)

The question mark being, I left my scale at school over break. At the time it seemed like a great idea-- "Won't it be great to go back and see how much weight I lost??!" But now I'm freaking out; I feel like I've eaten so much and I've had TWO mini- to full-on binges since I've been home. I HAVEN'T BINGED IN MONTHS. God dammit, I'm having a mild freak-out and I wish I had my scale. It would really help me calm down... wow this is sad.

I know it's bad, but I've started trolling around the old pro-ana sites I used to go to. I just want to get rid of these pesky 8 (or 15...) pounds, and I want them gone now. If I just restrict well over break, it should be so easy to get rid of the extra weight.. but ugh WHY THE FUCK AM I BINGEING AGAIN??? Seriously. Fucking gross, I thought I was over and done with that shit.

Anyway. Enough ranting for one post. Time for planning out my weight-loss break. Each week, I want to create a new resolution and stick to it. For the first week, my rule is going to be...

(dun dun dunnnn)

NO EATING AFTER 8PM.

This will effectively kill the binge monster that's reared its fucking ugly head again. I only binge when everyone else is asleep and can't see me... and that's after 8. So no food for you, fuck you fatso binge monster.

I also want to get back into running form. This is mostly what will keep the weight off. So tomorrow, I want to run a nice long 5.5 mile route. Ambitious, you say? Yeah probs, but I have all day and nothing to do, so I'm going to punish my body for getting out of shape. Also, I can tell my boyfriend likes me skinnier (duh, who wouldn't) and it's really motivational. He couldn't stop staring at me before we left :) Not that it's any reason to stop now. I want to go back from break at least 8lb lighter, and that means running every day (I'll give myself 5 skip days, that's one a week plus one extra).

So tomorrow, I'll put up my skip day stickies and go for a run. Every time I skip a workout I have to take away a sticky-- I respond to visual shit like that. And every other day, it's a distance workout. Of course, two of those stickies will go for driving to and from the cabin, so in reality I only have three "lazy day" stickies. And I'm going to count skiing as working out; I'll just go at a vicious pace. great thigh workout.

Hum. Okay getting sleepy.

GOD DAMMIT WHERE IS MY SCALE. I neeeeeeed it :(